The Girl and I were talking with her parents about our wedding plans. Ever since we won the free wedding reception, her parents' influence in the matter has been diminished. However, that influence is not gone. Her father is still fronting some money to pay for some extras, which is great. But The Girl and I agree that their help, while greatly appreciated, has become non-essential. We both can work long enough and hard enough to make the wedding our own now.
Still, there are issues...
The Girl's parents are very vocal about their concerns about us incorporating Mexican themes into the wedding. Her mother went as far as saying that these things would be "offensive". And she also stressed that Polish themes should be included to reflect Deanna's heritage. This all has irked me a little bit.
It has irked me a little bit because there is nothing offensive at all in incorporating established wedding traditions and themes from ANY culture. If Deanna decided that she wanted to include African or Asian themes, I would be all for it. It's OUR wedding. (OUR = Hers and Mine) Deanna is the woman that I want to marry for many reasons, among them what she likes about the world. We matched in that sense.
I'm also irked because I was actually born in Mexico. Deanna is a couple of generations removed from the Eastern Bloc, and only those on her Mother's side are Polish. Her Father's side is German. (Maybe also Eastern Bloc?) Many of my family members will actually have also been born in Mexico. Spanish is going to be widely spoken at the wedding whether they like it or not. Not because I demand it, but because it'll be the natural way to communicate.
It irks me because these feelings from her parents (self-confessed Liberals) have all the markings of the English-only movement. That movement has been all about making English the official language of the United States not because they want a standardized language to be used but because, for the most part, they don't want their members to learn another language. (Most kids in Europe, Africa, Asia, and South America know two or more languages!!!) It was the English-only people that tried time and time again to keep me out of public schools in the United States under the veil of wishing me a "prosperous" future in learning English.
And it also irks me because being "American" is not at all about being a descendant of one group of people from Europe. The census doesn't lie... The United States is made up of 66% "White" (from all regions of Europe), 15% "Hispanic" (from all regions of North, Central, and South America), 12% "Black" (from all regions of Africa), and the rest are from all over the world. Everyone standing on this ground that is the United States is from somewhere else. Even the Native Americans can trace back their lineage to Asians who crossed the land bridge that was the Bering Strait. Go to Europe, and you will find that people on one end are very different from people on the other. Heck, go to Maryland, and you'll find that people on one end are very different from the other.
So, if The Girl and I get into the business of trying not to "offend" anyone at our wedding, there might as well not be a wedding. Because someone, no matter the size of the group, always gets offended. And that someone who is offended probably has an ethnic and national identity that is very weak to being with. They feel like a fish out of water instead of a person enjoying, learning, and taking part in a new thing. "Xenophobic", I think the term is. Look it up.
That kind of thinking and fear does not get any of us very far. Had I been a xenophobic ten year-old, I would have never learned English. I would have stayed home in Texas instead of venturing out to the East Coast. I would have never met the woman of my dreams that is The Girl. And I could have never worked in Public Health. Had she been a xenophobe, The Girl would not be where she is right now, either.
The time comes when we must take a stand for what we believe in, the ideas that shape us to who we are. This might very well be one of those times...
Still, there are issues...
The Girl's parents are very vocal about their concerns about us incorporating Mexican themes into the wedding. Her mother went as far as saying that these things would be "offensive". And she also stressed that Polish themes should be included to reflect Deanna's heritage. This all has irked me a little bit.
It has irked me a little bit because there is nothing offensive at all in incorporating established wedding traditions and themes from ANY culture. If Deanna decided that she wanted to include African or Asian themes, I would be all for it. It's OUR wedding. (OUR = Hers and Mine) Deanna is the woman that I want to marry for many reasons, among them what she likes about the world. We matched in that sense.
I'm also irked because I was actually born in Mexico. Deanna is a couple of generations removed from the Eastern Bloc, and only those on her Mother's side are Polish. Her Father's side is German. (Maybe also Eastern Bloc?) Many of my family members will actually have also been born in Mexico. Spanish is going to be widely spoken at the wedding whether they like it or not. Not because I demand it, but because it'll be the natural way to communicate.
It irks me because these feelings from her parents (self-confessed Liberals) have all the markings of the English-only movement. That movement has been all about making English the official language of the United States not because they want a standardized language to be used but because, for the most part, they don't want their members to learn another language. (Most kids in Europe, Africa, Asia, and South America know two or more languages!!!) It was the English-only people that tried time and time again to keep me out of public schools in the United States under the veil of wishing me a "prosperous" future in learning English.
And it also irks me because being "American" is not at all about being a descendant of one group of people from Europe. The census doesn't lie... The United States is made up of 66% "White" (from all regions of Europe), 15% "Hispanic" (from all regions of North, Central, and South America), 12% "Black" (from all regions of Africa), and the rest are from all over the world. Everyone standing on this ground that is the United States is from somewhere else. Even the Native Americans can trace back their lineage to Asians who crossed the land bridge that was the Bering Strait. Go to Europe, and you will find that people on one end are very different from people on the other. Heck, go to Maryland, and you'll find that people on one end are very different from the other.
So, if The Girl and I get into the business of trying not to "offend" anyone at our wedding, there might as well not be a wedding. Because someone, no matter the size of the group, always gets offended. And that someone who is offended probably has an ethnic and national identity that is very weak to being with. They feel like a fish out of water instead of a person enjoying, learning, and taking part in a new thing. "Xenophobic", I think the term is. Look it up.
That kind of thinking and fear does not get any of us very far. Had I been a xenophobic ten year-old, I would have never learned English. I would have stayed home in Texas instead of venturing out to the East Coast. I would have never met the woman of my dreams that is The Girl. And I could have never worked in Public Health. Had she been a xenophobe, The Girl would not be where she is right now, either.
The time comes when we must take a stand for what we believe in, the ideas that shape us to who we are. This might very well be one of those times...
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