Imagine the following scenario... Someone joins your family all of a sudden, and you must do your best to accommodate and welcome them. You take them out to family functions with you. You, for all intents and purposes, make him or her one of your family. All this in a matter of months or even days from meeting this person. You didn't grow up with them, and, to throw in a little more complication, he or she is not from your same culture.
Given this scenario, of course you're going to rub each other the wrong way once in a while. Of course it's going to be difficult to accept this person's way of thinking. Now, imagine you're a "helicopter" parent, the kind of parent that hovers over your children at all times and bails them out of every situation, every time, all the time. And imagine that this new person, the add-on, doesn't want your help all the time. He or she doesn't need it. Talk about counter-culture or being rubbed the wrong way.
I hope by now that you have figured out that this is the case right now with my future in-laws. They are good people, both of them. They care an awful lot about their children, and that is something to be admired nowadays. However, in caring so much, they forgot that their children are not children any more. The Girl is in her mid-20's, and her brother is in his early 20's. In fact, he turned 21 just last week. (More on that later.)
My in-laws are definitely helicopter parents. They try, sometimes too hard, to help out their children with all of life's issues. This is completely the opposite to my upbringing, where my mother left me alone at the hospital once because she was "not a world-class internal medicine doctor." That is, when there was nothing she could do for me, she didn't get in the way of those who could. This carried on into my adolescence and adulthood. She will not get in my way when my problems are enough for me to handle. She will, however, jump right in and have all the right answers when I need her help.
The issue with my future in-laws is that they are attempting to extend their oversight into my life. I've been on my own, more or less, since I was 16 years old. I was in college then, living in an apartment, getting into all sorts of trouble. The only trouble my parents helped me with was any monetary issue. All other things were not so big that I couldn't handle. My future in-laws, however, like to offer criticism, constructive or otherwise, at every one of the plans that The Girl and I have come up with as we go into our wedding next year. The setting for the wedding, the timing, and even the decorations are all wrong.
When I met The Girl, one of the things that attracted us to each other was that we both wanted to go to Africa and do relief work in some of the poorest, most troubled parts of the world. Well, her parents will have none of it. They don't think that an African "voluntourism" honey moon is "traditional" enough. And don't get me started on their opinion of incorporating Mexican traditions into the wedding. That's a whole other issue that still gives me heartburn.
Still, I must admit that I am happy that they love and care for their daughter as much as they do. And I am very, very thankful for all they've done for me. They've fed me quite a few times, and that ranks pretty high up in my book. But they have also began to try to influence me and my decisions more and more. It took four days of negotiating to agree on a lease for the apartment. Four days on something that took The Girl and I a few hours last year.
My Grandfather always said that you take the good with the bad, and that's is exactly how I have tried to lead my life. I have a wonderful fiancée who needs no add-ons. Her parents, mentors, and role models in her life did a great job in making her the woman that she is now. Still, sometimes you need to stop chiseling away at your sculpture and let the environment finish the job.
Given this scenario, of course you're going to rub each other the wrong way once in a while. Of course it's going to be difficult to accept this person's way of thinking. Now, imagine you're a "helicopter" parent, the kind of parent that hovers over your children at all times and bails them out of every situation, every time, all the time. And imagine that this new person, the add-on, doesn't want your help all the time. He or she doesn't need it. Talk about counter-culture or being rubbed the wrong way.
I hope by now that you have figured out that this is the case right now with my future in-laws. They are good people, both of them. They care an awful lot about their children, and that is something to be admired nowadays. However, in caring so much, they forgot that their children are not children any more. The Girl is in her mid-20's, and her brother is in his early 20's. In fact, he turned 21 just last week. (More on that later.)
My in-laws are definitely helicopter parents. They try, sometimes too hard, to help out their children with all of life's issues. This is completely the opposite to my upbringing, where my mother left me alone at the hospital once because she was "not a world-class internal medicine doctor." That is, when there was nothing she could do for me, she didn't get in the way of those who could. This carried on into my adolescence and adulthood. She will not get in my way when my problems are enough for me to handle. She will, however, jump right in and have all the right answers when I need her help.
The issue with my future in-laws is that they are attempting to extend their oversight into my life. I've been on my own, more or less, since I was 16 years old. I was in college then, living in an apartment, getting into all sorts of trouble. The only trouble my parents helped me with was any monetary issue. All other things were not so big that I couldn't handle. My future in-laws, however, like to offer criticism, constructive or otherwise, at every one of the plans that The Girl and I have come up with as we go into our wedding next year. The setting for the wedding, the timing, and even the decorations are all wrong.
When I met The Girl, one of the things that attracted us to each other was that we both wanted to go to Africa and do relief work in some of the poorest, most troubled parts of the world. Well, her parents will have none of it. They don't think that an African "voluntourism" honey moon is "traditional" enough. And don't get me started on their opinion of incorporating Mexican traditions into the wedding. That's a whole other issue that still gives me heartburn.
Still, I must admit that I am happy that they love and care for their daughter as much as they do. And I am very, very thankful for all they've done for me. They've fed me quite a few times, and that ranks pretty high up in my book. But they have also began to try to influence me and my decisions more and more. It took four days of negotiating to agree on a lease for the apartment. Four days on something that took The Girl and I a few hours last year.
My Grandfather always said that you take the good with the bad, and that's is exactly how I have tried to lead my life. I have a wonderful fiancée who needs no add-ons. Her parents, mentors, and role models in her life did a great job in making her the woman that she is now. Still, sometimes you need to stop chiseling away at your sculpture and let the environment finish the job.
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